To C

Dear C,

Seven years have gone so fast.

That day is still lively in my mind, and the following one month, and the whole 2005.  Another lively thing in my mind is your sweet smile, bright as sun that could always melt up the sorrow and worry in people's mind, and brought back the joy and happiness.  Just read all those articles written for you in the locked section, for they are too sad to be read for years.  In the articles and so as in my memories, so much sorrow about what had happened, but every figure of you was joyful and gentle as spring.  I am so proud to have ever met you in my life.

We said we would live up our lives to share what you have missed, and so we did.  We said we would love and be thankful for lives, and so we did.  But there is still something missing, something that I want to do for you.  Something that might have been able to re-write the history...

After another two months of seeking but found nothing, coincidently I ran into Claire's plan today.  She has never met you, and has no idea about what I have been keen to do, but just happen to have something in her mind.  So here we are, about to start the project.

We ain't no angels, and have no greatest love to light up the sun.  But faint candlelight can still bright up the darkness, and we hope those cold hands will be held warmly.  Life is when someone cares, and life can be continued by a simple but truly smile.  Tomorrow is always another day, and there is a seed of hope quietly growing, even though it might yet not seen.

Thank you for all that your brought into my life, happiness, sadness and showing me the meaning of life. Wish you, my friend, to rest in peace.

your E,
1st July 2012

簡。書評

這趟回台灣，在短暫而忙碌的停留裡去了三趟書店。一如以往，到了書店總是很難空手而回，便一次一本地帶書回家。挾著連續一整年遠離中文書的饑渴，在滿檔的行程中，利用搭車等車的空檔，及人靜的深夜，把三本書吞了個大概。這回選的書各有千秋，卻都相當不錯。都是值得開專文評寫，但回紐西蘭後鐵定沒時間，便趁今晚三併做一寫個大概的書評做為介紹。


葛亮《戲年》

持續幾年了，總覺得郝譽翔得獎後，好陣子沒再看見得我心的新作家。這次假期先是拿起張愛玲的散文和小說，讀著卻總覺得有些口吃。悶不過，去書店裡晃晃，晃見《戲年》這本書，封面的他寫道：「世態炎涼，實在都是在生活的細節處。...。有人負責戲，有人負責現實，人生才由此而清晰妥貼，真實有溫度。」簡短的段落，樸實的句子，卻瞧得出作者對人生觀察的細緻，及厚底子的人文藝術涵養。

《戲年》一書收錄四篇文章及一篇後記，寫的是在作者葛亮生命中鑿下痕跡的人們。〈泥人尹〉從忘年之交的角度，側寫一位泥塑家的生平。從孩子仰望的眼神裡，看命運如何捉弄這位沉靜到有些與世隔絕的尹師傅。〈英珠〉則從一張明信片開始，寫短短的西藏旅行中，遇見的藏民生活與心情。美麗的景色和鋪天蓋地的暴風雪歷歷在目，卻讓英珠的溫柔與倔強更加鮮明起來。〈威廉〉裡的威廉，是葛亮多年的朋友，但葛亮看見的他，與世人看見的他，那麼不同。葛亮的故事並沒有解答，只是淡淡地訴說著。中長篇〈戲年〉寫下三位將葛亮的生命與電影牽連起來的人們。清淡的文字輕撫著時代的皺紋，寫活了早些年代的癡情才女。到了第三個故事，筆鋒卻一轉而沾了些現代的憂鬱，並在對經典電影的朝拜中，寫就了一對都市裡的單親母子。

葛亮的文字優雅而流暢，行文如流水，讀來相當輕鬆寫意。而他的文字風格，或溫馨自然，或憂愁沉重；有時像大調一樣沉穩親切，有時卻又若小調般把人心吊得晦澀。喜歡他看人看事的那份精準老辣，再用素樸的文字去軟化那尖銳的目光。相當合我脾胃的作家，未來可以再多找他的書來看看。


楊中美《中國即將發生政變：解析政變前夜的九大關鍵人物》

作者楊中美趕在 2012 年中國第十八大會前，預測並分析了九位第五代領導人物。書中側寫了習近平、李克強、汪洋、李源潮、薄熙來、王岐山、劉亞洲、吳勝利和章沁生等人的生平、政蹟(軍蹟)、思想和未來的可能發展。書頭書尾並分析了目前中國的政治經濟社會局勢，並介紹了其歷史架構。這本書除了讓我對於中國當代政治家有了初步的瞭解，更因其書寫中，同時描述了前代政治家以及整個社會軍事政治的演變，因此讓我對於現代中國有了更多的瞭解。中國政客軍隊的貪腐，以及太子黨在政治經濟上的大權在握，超乎我想像；但同時，卻仍舊有好些領導人，能夠真正從人民的角度去做整體的規劃，並苦戰實戰地在短短三至五年內肅清貪污、建設地方。中國或許還需要五至十年去成長，或許真會經過一番動盪，但台灣人也不要太輕敵了。


小野《翻滾吧，台灣電影》

從侯孝賢和楊德昌後，台灣電影沉寂了十來年的時間，直到〈海角七號〉引爆國片熱潮。2011年更是有諸多電影和紀錄片大放異彩，〈翻滾吧！阿信〉、〈賽德克巴萊〉、〈那些年〉等一時蔚為話題。小野和陽光衛視合作，訪問並側寫多位電影人，包含導演、編劇和製片。從侯孝賢的電影開始，看台灣的電影如何轉變；未來在中港的資金和電影文化影響下，要如何發展出另外一片天空。電影人如何在慘淡的票房裡，被現實壓得喘不過氣來；又如何靠著一股熱情，從領輔導金拍短篇小品，轉至用紀錄片拍攝導演、被拍者和社會的相簿，以及如何引發台灣觀眾的共鳴，再次為了國片走進電影院。不敢說這本書寫得多好，畢竟我是個電影的門外漢。但就以愛看紀錄片的門外漢的眼光，我從小野此書學到了不少台灣電影的歷史，並從沒想過的觀點去思考台灣的電影。

其實《中國》和《台灣電影》兩書，都引發我一些想法。但現在夜深人睏，明兒又要打包並趕快溫習英文 (休息好久，快忘了怎麼講英文了！)，想必不會有時間心情寫心得。行文就此打住，有興趣的人請直接去找這三本書來讀吧！

台灣的美，以及我們。

空中攝影師齊柏林先生，從空中拍攝台灣的美景。小小的台灣，面積僅為 0.238 個紐西蘭南島，0.148 個英國，0.095 個日本，以及 0.004 個中國。然而，台灣的人口密度，卻約是兩倍於日本，並更遠遠高於上述的其他國家。台灣這麼的小，卻能夠承載著這麼擁擠的人潮，並且如此美麗，如此多樣化。至今二十餘年，這仍是台灣另我最驚奇的特點之一。

但是，這樣美麗的台灣卻正在被天災人禍破壞著。聽空中攝影師齊柏林，用影像紀錄說明台灣的環境正在經歷怎樣的轉變。



不要仿若置身事外！過去發生的，我們該擔起責任。未來的發展，我們能夠影響。

1. 在日常生活中加強環保工作。
2. 都市人想體驗山林生活時，選擇友善於環境的住處 (請問，到底為何要去美麗的林間，再把自己關在和台北車站旁一樣的高樓大廈裡，吹冷氣看電視啊？)。
3. 用選票譴責不為人民土地著想的政客 (我們不發威趕他們下台，他們倒是把我們當病貓了！)。
4. 在追求金錢的時候，稍微停下來考慮一下所需付出的環境成本 (捨不得多花幾個錢買有機蔬果，但換新手機時絕不手軟？大力支持開發各種科學園區，來促進經濟成長；但實際從這類經濟發展中得惠的多半是金錢不虞匱乏、只是想更上一層樓的人們，而犧牲的卻是在也無法復返的森林和濕地)。
5. 將理念傳出去！社會的改變不是一朝一夕，但一傳十，十傳百。我們也許當不了改變社會的英雄，卻能夠推動齒輪往前行走一小格！

避免吵鬧，隨時準備脫逃 是研究生求生之道

2008 年，高雄市警察局長蔡俊章先生在一篇報導中，列出肉票該如何增加自己存活的機會。在學姊官官的一語提醒下，我們發現這和研究生的求生之道不謀而合。以下即是當年我對照兩者所寫的文章。黑色粗體字的部份是給予研究生的意見，建議研究生要如何平安順利的畢業


: 蔡俊章根據他的研究提出建議，綁架被害人應注意，
: 一是以同理心博得歹徒好感，盡可能不要被物化，

要表現出對於研究與學習非常的積極，博取老闆的好感，
並且要讓老闆很喜歡你，讓老闆視你為自己的小孩，
以免被當作生產 data 的機器。

: 二是保持求生企圖，

要保持對於研究本身的熱忱，以因應研究生生活中的沮喪。

: 三是心理以及生理隨時要有脫逃求生準備，


因為老闆不知何時會找你麻煩，你也不知道何時自己會撐不下去，
所以在心理和生理上隨時要有對抗老闆壓榨的準備，
並且要有其他求生本領，
以便哪天一氣之下休學了，還不至於餓肚子。

: 四是不任意食用歹徒的食物飲水，以免遭到下毒或餵食安眠藥，

不要任意接受老闆的好意，以免變成討不完的人情債
也不要輕易相信老闆的誇獎，
免得哪天老闆又變臉了，自己的心情反應不過來。

: 五是與歹徒稱兄道弟，

要和老闆建立甘苦與共的錯覺，
讓老闆相信，
他給你資源是對他自己好，
他收回給你的資源時，受創的是他自己。
這樣資源就會源源不絕。
(這是某學姊教的大絕!)

: 六是告訴歹徒殺害肉票無法取得贖金，

告訴老闆，
他把你逼到無退路時，
你要是休學了，他就再也拿不到 data 去發表了。
讓他知道，狂逼你是沒用的!

: 七是假裝生病，博取同情，

要顯現出自己已經非常努力，
可是對於現有的結果，自己非常的不滿意，
讓老闆感受到你的堅忍不拔以及無力感，
這樣他比較不忍心再逼你。
註：這僅對有同情心的老闆有用!

: 八是避免爭吵哭鬧，在研究中，被害人最常因為這個原因遇害。

避免和老闆正面衝突，
在研究生涯中，
研究做不好是會成天被罵，
但和老師吵鬧才容易被休掉，
慎之慎之。


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以上內容，均為虛構。如有雷同，純屬巧合。

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玩笑開完，大夥兒還是要好好記下這幾點。若是哪天不幸成為肉票，要努力求生呀！

Human mind

Human mind is a tricky thing.


It is much easier to explain to yourself in an external attribution way, so that you can accept what has happened without feeling conflicts with your self-cognition.  But meanwhile, internal attribution is more helpful in a practical way - since you are the cause, you potentially have the ability to fix the problem.


It is hard to deal with the conflicts between the facts and self-cognition, but only to face the problems and to solve them in a practical way can we overcome the problems.


Split the big problem into several small pieces to make each of them possible to be solved.  Also have the self-conscious and confidence that the answer is within you.


Thanks to mentor I and dear J for the wisdom.

A Look Back of 2011

When you were a teenager, have you ever imagined what your life would be when you are twenty something?   I did.  When I was young, I felt twenty something is a long time later, and I would be very different from what I was – I think I would be doing super cool research about theoretical evolution in US or Europe, speaking fluent English and French (or German), hanging out with friends from all sort of cultures and discussing scientific questions in bars, married a great guy who loves me a lot, frequently flying around the world (including home) for collaboration and conferences, and always being energetic and smart.

So here I am, at twenty something.  In 2011, the year which has just past, I left home to study aboard.  I am now working on animal behaviours, not theoretical evolution.  I based in New Zealand, neither US nor Europe, not even in the North, although I participate in a project based in UK.  I can only say Thank you and Yes in French, and I forget how to speak correct English from time to time.  Almost like automatically, I hang out with Asian friends more frequently than with people from other cultures, unless there is no Asian around (e.g. on Lundy Island).  I did have some chance to discuss scientific questions with friends in bars though, which makes me happy every time.  A happy geek.  Although many of my friends are getting married, I still do not see marriage as my first priority, and that I just start to date with a good guy.  I do fly among NZ, UK and Taiwan in a year, which basically crosses most part of the world.  I feel tired easily, compare to how I was as a teenager.  This is the first time I feel myself stupid for a whole year, and still feeling so now, even compare to the first year as a Master student when I just jumped into population genetics from animal science with only first year’s level of genetics knowledge and no background of population biology. 

Oh well, I am good at dreaming, not very practical, not even realistic I must say...

I have also noticed some other things I did not pay attention to in my dreams when I was young.  For one thing, I found communication skills are super important.  I KNEW communication is important and not easy, and luckily I had a chance to be trained to communicate among three supervisor/advisors in my Master study.  However, face-to-face communication in native language is much easier than online communication via emails and Skype meetings in English, which is what I am doing now.  How to precisely and properly express the research ideas, thoughts and emotions with people from different cultures is also one of my main tasks to work on.  Thanks to my supervisors and co-workers for tolerating my poor communicating skills and the resulting misunderstanding.   Another thing is that emotionally, I have been relying on old friends more than I expected, or say, they love me and support me more than I could ever imagined.  I love them and appreciate them a lot!  Thanks to my family and friends to accept me as the way I am!!  Especially thanks to Jamie, for always being there - for years!

As to Jamie, there is one dreamy thing happened in 2011.  When we were 14 years old, we were both keen to study aboard and to see the world, so we promised each other to meet up somewhere outside of Taiwan one day.  And it happened!!  I was so excited when I visited her in Cambridge on my way to Sheffield in March, 2011.  While there is no one else study aboard in my family – none of them had ever left Taiwan when I flight out – study aboard was like an un-real thing even though I had thought of doing it for years.  But then it became true, and gave me the chance to keep my word with my best friend!  Thanks Jamie for all the supporting and help.  Without you I could never make it!

So there are GAPS between imagination and reality.  No better or worse though.  They are just different.  I like the feeling of putting my feet on the ground, learning to take “accidents” easy, and to enjoy the scene on the path.  Although there are more difficulties in reality, the joy is juicier.  Meanwhile I will keep on dreaming how I will be in the next ten years, just because I was born to be a dreamer – dream high, and enjoy the unexpected reality!